My husband wants to mortgage our home to pay for his brother’s wedding

My husband’s parents expect us to borrow VND300 million (US$11,600) against our apartment to cover his younger brother’s wedding costs, but I fear the debt could put our family’s home and financial security at risk.

My husband and I are both 35 years old, have been married for seven years, and have a five-year-old daughter.

Our combined monthly income is around VND40 million. After covering food, utilities, transportation, and daily living expenses, we are only able to set aside a small amount as savings. We are not destitute, but not comfortable either — an unexpected expense can force us to carefully recalculate our budget. The apartment we live in is our largest asset, and we are still paying it off in monthly installments of VND12 million.

Recently, my brother-in-law began preparing for his wedding. My parents-in-law said the family could not afford it and asked us to step up and handle the VND300 million in wedding expenses. I told my husband that we are still in debt from buying our home, and taking on another massive loan would make it extremely difficult for us to manage.

My husband believes he needs to help his brother because he only gets married once in his life. I don't oppose supporting his brother, but I believe the amount must be within our family’s financial capabilities: we cannot borrow several hundred million dong more while still paying off our existing loan.

Yesterday, my husband told me he had taken our apartment’s title deeds to the bank to inquire about mortgage procedures. He asked me to sign the agreement to mortgage our home so we could fund his brother's wedding.

I refused because I am worried the new debt will exceed our ability to pay. If I agree, we will not only have to bear the additional interest, but also risk losing our home if we can’t make the payments.

My husband said I was being overly calculating and inconsiderate to the family. He said the wedding is just around the corner, and if we don’t secure enough money, his brother will be put in an awkward position with the bride's family.

Afterward, my mother-in-law called and criticized me for being selfish and uncaring toward my brother-in-law. She said that since they are not financially well-off, my husband and I must step up and handle things so his younger brother will not lose face in front of relatives. She even accused me of ruining the wedding just because I refused to sign the loan agreement.

I explained that I am not against the wedding, nor do I intend to abandon my brother-in-law. I only want to discuss a reasonable amount of support with my husband, rather than borrowing an extra VND300 million and putting our family's home at risk. However, my mother-in-law insisted that as family members, we must be willing to sacrifice for one another. The call ended in her anger.

Since that day, I have constantly worried about what my husband will do next. The fact that he took our apartment’s title deeds to apply for a loan without discussing it with me beforehand makes me feel deeply anxious. I fear that he will continue to pressure me into signing.

If I refuse, I worry the conflict between us and his family will only escalate. But if I accept, my family may have to carry this financial burden for years, threatening our stability and our daughter’s future.

What should I do in this situation? Am I being too selfish for refusing to mortgage our home for my brother-in-law's wedding, or is his family demanding far beyond what we can afford?